Is a member of your bridal party making your wedding planning hell?

So, you’ve got a member of your bridal party that is giving you hell and causing you grief on all sorts of levels. You chose them because you were friends or maybe it’s your cousin and your family wanted you to include her/him, but now all you want to do is get rid of them, but how? This is a more common situation than you might think. For some reason, much like any other highly emotional get-together, a wedding can stir up a lot of trouble in friendships and family situations and cause mixed emotions for all involved.


For a bride, having a difficult bridesmaid can range from someone who doesn’t seem interested, refuses to participate or just can’t make the time, to complaining about their dress, whining about costs and just plain rudeness. We all know that weddings are stressful enough without the added pressure of a strained relationship with someone who is supposed to be helping out and willing to stand beside you on the big day. When it’s a groomsman the same applies, but it can often mean they fail to show up, make rude comments or make fun of everything you try to do.

So, what do you do? How do you handle a situation where you’ve chosen someone to share this special day  and all of the planning and fun with you (and possibly forked out money for accessories) and now they’re making it hell?

Well, here’s our tips.

1.     First, make sure that you’re not overreacting. When you’re stressed and emotional, even the littlest things can seem big and important, when in fact they’re not. Write down what’s been happening and how you’re feeling about things and then run it by someone you trust will tell you the truth. If you’re being silly you need to be told, but if there are some real problems then at least you can be sure that the second opinion has confirmed it.

2.    You need to consider how close you are to this person. If it is a sister or relative you may need to handle things differently than if it is a friend. The reality is that it is likely you will need to address the situation at some point and it could get hairy.

3.    If the person causing the problem is very close to you eg, sister or best friend, are they dealing with anything at the moment that might be causing their behaviour. If they are, then it might be best to sit down and have a heart to heart about what’s going on and how to best move forward for both of you.  It may mean that they have to pull out or need a little more understanding, but either way, at least it’s out in the open. If they’re not going through anything that you know of and just appear to be being difficult because of jealousy, laziness or some other unfair reason, then a harsher approach may need to be taken. Take them aside and tell them how you’re feeling. If, at the end of the conversation you’re not feeling any closer to resolving the issue then you may need to consider asking them if they would like to step down.

4.     If the person causing the problem is a friend or distant relative, you might need to still gauge whether there is something going on with them, but then just come right out and say how you’re feeling. Explain that this is a big deal for you and that you’d like their support in making it fun and exciting for everyone. If they are unable to do that then you’ll have no choice but to ask them to step away.

Some final tips. Approach the person face to face and not over email or text. Body language says much more than words and you’ll know very quickly if their attitude is saying for you to stick it, or if they are genuinely interested in making it work.